A Retrospective Look at 2012

So 2012 is coming to a close for me, and this time I find myself sat in BBC Radio York writing a retrospective look on my year. I think I will break it down in to various sections, so that those who bother to read the whole thing can find it easily digestible!

University

Well the bubble popped and I finally left Lincoln. How can I be negative about my time there? I just cannot. I whinged, complained and moaned no end throughout - but when I look back on the last few months I spent there they really were the best ones. Yes, I was stressed, yes I was overworked but look what came of it. I got a 1st class honours degree and the past three years were somehow validated for me. I had made the right choice, and I had done all the right things.

The award was rather nice too. I didn't expect that at all, but it was very pleasing to think that my work had been recognised by the university. In January I got a taste of the real world, going to RAF Waddington and asking Nick Clegg himself a question. I was shaking like jelly afterwards but the thrill was immense. I knew I wanted more after that.

Looking back on the people I knew there, I do miss a select few of them dearly. The friends I spent many a drunken night with are so far away now and it is difficult to not feel lonely up here sometimes. Of course, it couldn't last forever and we all had to go our separate ways but it doesn't change the way I miss them. James, Sam(s), Jordan, Ellie and the like - they were incredibly supportive to me and I will always be grateful for that. It's sad to say that I don't miss a few of my course mates. I think the stress got to us all in the end and quite a few tempers were frayed.

It was in February that I started my work experience placement at BBC Radio Lincolnshire. I remember being incredibly cynical about it all. I told myself "there is no way that answering a few phones at a radio station will lead me anywhere". I had to get up at stupid hours, to walk a few miles up the hill...and for what? My break came when I heard about the Howard Leader programme, which played jazz and dance on a Sunday afternoon. Well I jumped at the chance to do it! Things went from there, to me having my own slot each week - I was living the dream and I lived for Sundays. Playing my own record transfers on the BBC was a dream come true, it really was. I made sure to send Howard a Christmas card this year to express my thanks for the help he gave to me.

When I think back to my time at University, like I said earlier - it has a golden gloss over it. I had security, more money than I have now I'm a graduate, a decent roof over my head and complete independence. Gosh how I miss it all.

A proud graduate with my lovely sister

Making the transition to the world of work

You know, I still wonder how I actually did that. One minute I was eagerly volunteering at Radio Lincolnshire and the next week I was being marched in to Radio York thanks to Dom McAndrew who had recommended me. I still remember my first time there, still in awe at how new the place was - and feigning the fact that I had some vague knowledge about how it all worked.

In actual fact, it was a horrendously steep learning curve for me. Learning how the breakfast programme works took a few weeks, but thanks to some fortunate timing I was working straight on that and the mid-morning show. It was certainly a fun experience.

Then it all came to a screeching halt. Lawrence returned and all the progress I made was shelved and forgotten. I didn't at that time feel like an outside any more which was great - so I went to work on the evening programming with Sandie Dunleavy.

Fast forward a few months and it was my only job. I was scraping by, just being able to afford the rent to mum and little else. I was getting severely depressed after an amazing month and going to the Job Centre wasn't helping much either.

I decided to apply to PC World in the hope it would lead somewhere, and I was extremely surprised that they interviewed me and later accepted me with them. This is surprising considering I was 30 minutes late to my interview due to an out of date map given to me by the job centre. I was also dripping wet because of the wind!

So here I have been for the past few months now working there. It really is a mixed bag. On one hand I do enjoy meeting new people every day, they all have a different story to tell and I love chatting to them. On the other hand, the sheer pressure to sell is starting to get to me. Being pulled up and told I've not sold enough insurance, cover, antivirus or setup is about as demotivating for me as I can think of. Every transaction is logged and scrutinised and it really irritates me! I wish I could say I cared about the place as much as Radio York, but I am only seeing it as a place to earn some money in the short term, I think it would drive me crazy if I stayed there much longer.

Looking ahead to the new year, the situation with the above is uncertain. My hours have been cut to 0 because of the joys of "Delivering Quality First". I believe my hours at PC World will also shrink due to the Christmas boom being over. I do have some small salvation, and my jazz knowledge has paid off this time! I'm going to be looking at jazz in York on Neil Foster's Sunday culture programme, which will actually be paid. It won't be as much as I am earning now but it is a way to stay in the proverbial loop at least.

I do wish that York was a cheaper place to live. Even though the 39 hours at PC World give me adequate income on the minimum wage, rent in York is so unbelievably expensive that it means I will really have to take the cheapest place I can find.

Jazz

This really is one of the few things which keeps me happy in life. The syncopation and the friends which go with it are great. Obviously the highlight of my jazz year is the Whitley Bay Jazz Festival. Taking an organising hand in this event is a huge honour, but all I care about is that the festival continues in some shape or form. It's evident in the smiles of the guests, the jazz men and women and the wonderful comments I hear.

I wish I had the time to carry on my trumpet playing, as my progress has just stopped. Living in an apartment block and working sometimes up to 10 hours a day is a bad combination, because I get home and I would disturb too many people!

In another sad note, I feel that the amount of time that I have been devoting to my Youtube channel. Although the recent amount of buys at the Birmingham Record Fair has been a massive help to the things I can share, given my current financial state it is impossible for me to buy any more records now. My current plan until finances improve is to stagger my uploads so that I can keep things going. It is a great boost to do this though. People write to me telling me all sorts: how they listen to my work many times over; how they play my videos on their home cinema systems; at parties and more! The more touching ones are from the older people who say that it brings back memories of their childhood for them.

Some resolutions and looking ahead

Did I achieve what I set out to do? This year certainly has been an eventful one. I started it as a student and I ended it in some form of employment. It is hard to know whether I am frustrated at myself for lack of effort at trying to get a good job, the economic situation which I cannot help or a combination of the two.

In the short term, my priorities are clear: find a house, learn to drive and get a job. In that order. I am determined to make it a better year than the messy end of this one!

Looking back at the blog I wrote this time last year, this sentence struck a chord with me:

"The main focus this year will be finding meaningful employment, something that's going to be very difficult. The chief concern will be finding a roof over my head if it doesn't work out."

How things come full circle eh? I guess I'm somewhere in that process now. I did achieve a 1st which really gave me a spring in my step, so that is one resolution fulfilled.

My resolution this year will be to get serious media employment in radio. I don't care what, or how - it is going to happen. Staying in York is the first step towards this! I am also going to try and be a bit less negative than I have been at times this year. I know things are difficult, but I am still a lucky man. Finally - to get back in to my beloved trumpet playing!

So now to find a photo that sums up my year. After 21 years of love and care, my very proud mother got the chance to see me graduate with a 1st class Honours degree. I can see the pride in her face.

Okay 2013, let's see what you've got.

"It's that little extra something that the others haven't got"

The lyrics from one of my Durium records seemed appropriate for this blog post. Today I got to speak as part of the LSJ's graduate panel of people employed in the media after their time at university. Perhaps it's because we do have that little extra something.

I know that in previous blog posts I have expressed an immense amount of frustration at the slow progress that wasn't being made in my recent life, however when I was sitting in front of the projector glare and a sizeable bunch of eager students it made me realise just how lucky I am. 

I guess the first realisation came when we were herded into the SirenFM studios, to be interviewed by a rather eager MA student about what advice we'd give for people wanting to get in to broadcasting. A quick trip to the pub later, and we were sat infront of the lecture hall full of students. 

The questions were quite run of the mill. If I'm honest, I did gloss over that work is incredibly hard, fighting for hours is hard, and I tried to concentrate on the positive side of things. Let's not shatter any bubbles just yet, eh? Seeing all my tutors as a graduate and media employee was also a wonderful experience, I genuinely feel like most of them are proud parents now. It also reminds me that I should keep in the loop with them more often, since they really do have the best knowledge that I need.

The main thing that I've found useful about today is just to get a sense of perspective for how far I've come. This time last year I was one of those students sat in the lecture hall, wondering if I would ever make it on to that stage myself. I was going to the BBC Lincolnshire placement scheme apparently in awe of what the breakfast team were doing there, and now look what I do!

I still have an awful long way to go, but I remember saying to Sam - "I know if I get invited back that I will have made it in life". Perhaps I was correct?

Not much money, oh, but honey? Ain't we got fun?

I've been reflecting on a wonderful coversation I had at the Whitley Bay Jazz Party with the wonderful Michael Steinman about positivity and my situation at the moment.

For now, let me be blunt. I am extremely poor, forced to live at home and every job I have applied for outside and inside the BBC has rejected me. Most days I am pestered to find work, and told how "things can't go on like this", day in, day out. I also have to listen to negativity on subjects like work, life, the size of the apartment and much more from mum.

But am I happy? You bet.

I have returned from the most thrilling weekend of my year. It was an absolute ball to be able to dance to the music that I enjoy, and to meet so many new friends and catch up with others. It made me forget about how difficult life is at the moment, and how it's a struggle to get any kind of work. Jazz music makes me happy. I tap my feet to it, I smile at solos and creativity, and it plays non-stop on my computer. I have met friends around the world, and now I'm starting to take on some of the burdens of the jazz party I enjoy so that it may continue. If it wasn't for classic jazz I would be as unremarkable as the next man on the street.

When I look at how things are, I really do believe that a different mindset makes all the difference, as Michael so wisely advised. It is extremely sad that my mum is so negative about a lot of things, but then she has lead such a difficult life so it is explainable. The longer that I live with her, the more I found myself being negative about my situation, but going to Whitley Bay changed all that.

I don't need a lot to make me happy. I don't need money, because I have so many wonderful friends. I buy records to share the joy with others around the world, and Whitley Bay reminded me just how important music is to keeping me going through this difficult time in my life - and how useful it will be to have this thing to take my mind off the gloom of daily life.

Whitley Bay was three days of sheer bliss, and I came back feeling so happy. I hope this feeling will continue for many months yet,  but as Michael advised - I just have to be optimistic about things. So the hunt for work continues, but with more of a smile on my face.

Happy times with great friends, Emrah, Pascale, and Bridget

The mood for September: frustrated!

Has it really been a whole month since I wrote the last one of these? I do actually find it quite theraputic doing my blog, and I am very impressed that I managed to keep it going so long. I am sure in years to come it will be nice to look back.

In any case, quite a lot happened since my last post, most notably my graduation. I just had an amazing time, the sun was shining and it was nice to reflect on the sheer amount of effort that I put in to the last three years. On the downside, it was very windy and my badly sized hat kept wobbling or blowing off which made for some amusing photographs. Looking back on the sun setting over the Brayford Pool, it really did feel like my time in Lincoln had come to and end for good. I hope I will be back there one day, I'd like to visit and see how the university has grown since I left. 

So back to York I went, and it seemed like my graduation was a world away, even though it was just a few weeks ago. I think I am settling in here now, the street layouts aren't as foreign to me any more and I'm starting to get on top of local knowledge. That being said, I just feel very lonely here. Not in a depressing "woe is me" sense, but leaving a very active social circle to a completely new town is very hard. I am feeling like I belong to the team at Radio York, in that there's plenty to talk about with them - but I miss having really good friends like the ones I had back in Lincoln. Coming home in the evening and just having your mum to speak to - whilst perfectly acceptable - is just frustrating really. I'd like to have some friends my age but I need to figure out how to meet them!

Things are equally as frustrating at work. After a month of praises being sung and general compliments, it seems "all forgotten now" (to quote Al Bowlly) - and the show I currently work on will end on Christmas Day. It will be very difficult to get in to commercial because I don't drive,  I cannot afford to since I don't yet earn enough money. It's going to be difficult to get on in the BBC without more experience which is difficult to get because of the competition...it all seems a bit Catch 22 to me. I'm going for jobs in retail to keep the money flowing in, or more precisely to start the money flowing in! If it wasn't for my mum supporting me I wouldn't be able to afford to live in York.

I do realise how fortunate I am to have the proverbial "foot in the door", and to be making contacts - but given the recent fast pace of development in my life, things seem to have recently stalled. There's still a few things I am working on, so I guess watch this space...

Working at the BBC, and life in York

Please note (as if it wasn't evident already) that these are my own opinions and not those of Auntie.

It's odd when I look back on the last blog I wrote about how uncertain my situation was. I say it's odd because in some respects my situation is still quite uncertain!

I don't quite know how I managed it, but I picked up some regularish work at BBC York, which I am pleased to say is going really well. So well that two producers have recommended me to the station boss, which is nice. Doing BA work for the breakfast show and mid morning is second nature now, and I've also been doing bits and bobs for other shows, driving the desk for pre-recorded ones as well.

Even when I am waking up at 4:20 in the morning, I honestly look forward to my job. You wouldn't believe how quickly the hours fly during the breakfast programme! There's just a general feeling of being able to make it work, and access to the best guests - exemplified when I got to dial up an Olympic athlete, Jack Laugher for the programme.

However beyond the end of this month I don't know what will happen. I've been covering for a colleague who has taken a month off - when he is back I have no idea what will happen to my hours. The curse of freelancer uncertainty strikes again. I simply cannot live off one day a week, but then I need to keep my weekdays free in case they ask me to do some extra work, which is often the request on the day. My best guess for the moment is to stay where they like me and try to see what else I can get.

Moving on, living in York is wonderful. It's a really nice city - plenty of shops and lots to do, however I only know one person here. It's starting to bug me going home each night and having just my mum to speak to. It's even more of a culture shock considering I left Lincoln where I knew plenty of people to go out with and socialise.

It's quite an odd situation really. I have always had friends I knew - through going to school, university...but I've not been at BBC York yet long enough to be a part of the friend circle there. I'd love to go out and see some live music in an evening to talk to people, but doing so many breakfast shifts means I want to sleep by 8pm in the evening!

Dare I say that I miss the relative security that university brought?

A record collector's dilemma

I've been mulling over a phone call that I took at BBC Radio Lincolnshire on Sunday. The call was from a very elderly gentleman, he's 89 now and has a string of health complaints. I gather he has lost a leg and is now confined to a wheelchair.

What is remarkable was the life he has lead when we talked. He knew Nat Gonella personally for many years since the 1930s, and was on the Normandy beaches on D-Day. He has amassed a huge collection of 78s, and other records - and regularly calls Howard's programme to request items.

As usual when people call up the radio station I ask them "how are you", but every time this gentleman is asked that, his reply is "not too well I'm afraid, I've got so many health complaints". I get the sense his current health situation makes him terribly upset - and he did hint at it one time we spoke, telling me "despite all my bad health, the jazz keeps me happy".

Yesterday was my final shift on Howard's programme, and this gentleman rang in once again. He left me with his phone number, and said that I am welcome to visit if I am ever in the area, but that he didn't have much time left given his poor health. He also said that when he dies he will have to find a home for his collection, something he has not been successful with so far, and hinting that I might be interested in going to take a look. 

This presents me with a few dilemmas. To begin with, his home in Mablethorpe is extremely difficult to get to given that I don't drive at the moment.

Secondly, I don't have the space to house a collection of a few thousand records.

Thirdly, I could make my way there and cherry pick the best ones but then I'd still be leaving him with a massive collection.

I get the sense that his collection will go to waste when he eventually dies, and I would dearly love to help his plight and say "yes I'll take all those records off you". I want to call him back but I don't want to get torn with the hope that I could possibly help him.

Do I call him again? Do I try and make arrangements for his record collection? Is there anything I can do for him?

A somewhat disastrous trip to London

It all started with an email. On a train. I was visiting London to go for an interview regarding a radio job - it could be the start of something great for me! So on the advice of my tutors I decided to make a little trip of it. There's no way I couldn't visit London without seeing some of the great friends I have down here in any case.

So when the train left Peterborough, I got an email from the person I was due to be meeting saying in a nutshell "Sorry I'm unwell, we will have to catch up online at a further date". I'll be honest and say I was a little annoyed, especially considering how much money I'd spent to come here. But the optimist in me decided that it would be good to have a little break. That's it, I will have a little break to escape from things.

So after my 4 hour journey I arrived - and a massive cold was manifesting itself. I felt awful, not helped by the high temperatures on the tube! In the end I arrived in Highgate, and sat down to talk to my friend and host Ruth about what plans I had sorted for this trip. Wednesday night was great fun, watching a load of old Pathe shorts that her friend had bought over.

The plan on Thursday was to visit a record dealer in Walthamstow. So I rang him to see if he had any luck with my request list I'd sent a while back, and on the phone he told me:

"Sorry I can't come into the shop on Thursday, the buses are on strike". 

Great - that was Thursday morning's plans gone. So instead Ruth and I went to the Museum of London. A wonderful place! "I'll take you to the Dickens exhibition as well Jonathan", she said. Upon arrival at the ticket counter we were told:

"Sorry, it's closed"

Not to worry, we went and explored the Guildhall and a few other places. By this time my cold had caused me to lose my voice, so I could barely speak. Just after we left the Museum of London I got a text from my letting agents.

"Dear Jonathan, you have 4 days to move out of your house. Regards, ClubEasy".

Crap, bollocks and all sorts of other nasty words. I've booked train tickets to London, returning on Sunday night and they expected me to move house on Monday. This was especially confusing since they had sent me a letter before this saying

"Your contract does not expire until the start of August"

So after a few hours of manic and ridiculously stressful phone calls, my mum agreed to take Monday off work to drive from York and hurriedly pack everything. Anything we can't fit, Clubeasy will store until we can pick it up. Just wonderful!

I was also meant to be meeting a former EMI archivist today, for discussion about jazz and stuff. Unfortunately he has now had to cancel due to ill health.

And to top it off I've just got an email from Amazon saying the present I bought for my brother's birthday will be a day late. Delightful...

A few weeks on, trying to keep at it!

So a few weeks have passed since I finished university, and when I was chatting to Dom McAndrew at BBC York today, it suddenly occured to me that I haven't been blogging for a while.

Things have progressed a lot since I last blogged. I still feel like progress has been slow for me, but I'm actually quite happy with things that have happened.

To summarise - I've been taken on at BBC Radio York on a casual contract. I just need to wait for my badge to arrive and my computer stuff to be set up and I'll be a part of their team. It's going to be a lot of work, I will have to prove myself all over again and hope they'll like me enough to give me a lot of shifts. I've decided to settle here in York because there isn't really anywhere else I can go to.

I'm also working on an opportunity at Radio 2, more of which I will detail later on depending how things go.

So ultimately it's a bit of a mixed bag. I'll be happier once I start getting regular work at BBC York, now to actually get it in the first place...

The end of University - and a reflection on the past three years

It's been a while since I wrote a blog, but I decided that now was the appropriate time given the big milestone in my life that I've just passed.

I'm talking of course about handing in my last peice of work at university. That's it. Finished. Another page written in the metaphorical book of my life. 

As it stands, there are now three options for me at the moment.

1) Stay at BBC Lincolnshire, help out wherever I can and ask to be paid in a bit. I've already got a regular slot on Howard Leader's Show every Sunday afternoon.

2) Apply for loads of jobs in London

3) If all else fails, move to Sheffield to live with my brother whilst I continue options 1 and 2.

I'm actually quite content with how things are going at the moment. Prospects aren't as bad as they could be. I'm hoping for a job down south, but I will take anything that is offered at the moment.

********

Now, time to reflect on the last three years at university. It'll probably take me a while to write this. I arrived in Lincoln on 20th September 2009, and I can still remember saying goodbye to a tearful mum, shutting the door and thinking "that's it", before heading up to the 3rd floor of my apartment block.

It's fair to say I've changed an awful lot at university. The wide eyed but nervous young man who entered the process leaves a slightly wiser, less nervous adult. Looking back on my experiences, the only thing I wish I would have done differently was just to be more outgoing in my 1st year. It took me a while to get over my social phobias, which were a result of me getting extended freshers flu for a month in my first year here. I also wish I had been less hasty in my relationship choices. The relationship I had with Lee was the only one I ever had at university, but we were so mismatched - I've no idea why I decided to go with him to be honest. 

There was also the disastrous time with most of the people I've lived with. In 1st year we argued. In the 2nd year, it was horrendous living with such an emotionally unstable woman, and the other housemate never spoke to me, and in 3rd year, one housemate makes a habit of moving my things without asking, and never talks to me. I don't think I've ever had a situation where I've felt really happy with my housemates, but there's not much you can do about that.

But so many amazing things happened. I became much more confident in myself and my sexuality. I got elected to the Students Union executive board, and helped to establish the Disabled Students Group, winning myself an award in the process, I met some truly amazing people, did some wonderful things as a student journalist, travelled 3,000 miles across the world to America, made a successful Youtube channel with 1,000 hits daily, took up playing the trumpet, met a man who played with Louis Armstrong in the 50s, the man who does the music for Boardwalk Empire, appeared on Japanese state television channel NHK World, made friends 6,000 miles away all because of some shellac discs...and so much more. At times it was tough. I had arguments. I cried, I failed one assessment and had to resubmit it - but each time I came back stronger and with a new lesson learnt.  By far, I look back on my time at university and think how much fun it was. I'm an optimistic person, and the positives have definitely outweighed all the negatives in this case.

I wouldn't have done anything differently, and I'm certainly glad I came here. Lincoln has been such a big part of my life - and I've really enjoyed living here. The city has its downsides, but we have so much history on our doorstep, an irritatingly steep hill and lots of swans to pass when you walk to university. 

And I met some brilliant people. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them. They've been there when I needed them, and they've been there when I was feeling on top of the world. It would be impossible to name them all, because I wouldn't want to upset others if I didn't mention them. I know who they are, and they will always be remembered as a key part of my university experience. It's going to be sad saying goodbye to so many people, knowing full well that I might never see a lot of them again. Of course, I am going to try my best - but without the common factor (i.e. you going to the same university) it will be very difficult.

What is upsetting however, is the divide that seems to have recently opened up between some people who I was really friendly with in the past three years. I promised myself I wasn't going to write about this - as I'd rather have something positive to look back on, but this has really been weighing on my mind recently.

I don't remember nearly as much bitchiness, gossiping or nastiness in the first two years, and it's really saddening. I've come to see a lot of people for what they really are - and I feel somewhat glad that I won't be seeing too much of them around in the future. Every day was a new melodrama, each one seeming to get much worse than the last one, and I just grew tired of subscribing to it all. Sure, I was stressed - we all were. But we deal with it in different ways. Telling the world about it day in, day out isn't a method I prefer. But enough of that...

That's what this part of my life is about now. To jettison all those preconceptions once more, and make a fresh start, with fresh people in a new place - where their opinions of you won't be formed by the past three years of rapid change. I can literally go anywhere, and do anything once again. There is nothing to tie me down. I'm a developed man now. I know what I want, and where I want to be in life.

To that end, I will be sitting down in the coming few days, and writing letters to myself. Inspired by what happened in 2009, and the letter which I rediscovered in 2012 I am planing to do the same. Write letters to myself to be opened on my birthday in 2021, 2031, 2041, 2051, 2061, 2071 and 2081, by which time I will be 90 years old. And I will ask myself - so Jonathan, what have you achieved in that time? Did your life plans come true? And I will think back to that young man, just 21 with so much ambition in his eyes, and so many dreams to fulfill.

So what next for my life? Well I guess I'm about to find out...

My Birthday, 2010. I'll miss a lot of these people!

"Friends come and go, that is the way of things"

This evening while browsing Facebook a photo popped up featuring an old school friend of mine, and his birthday drinks. I knew all but two of his friends, because I had been to school with them - and yet how many do I speak to now? None of them.

There are 12 people in that photo I used to see on a daily basis.

I often wonder how harsh I have been with the bi monthly ritual of purging people from my Facebook friend list. I tell myself "I'm never going to see them again". And it's true - chances are I will never see them. Since mum rented the family home out in Doncaster, that is no longer a base for me to return to. I don't know anybody in York and I have never lived there for a period longer than three weeks so that isn't really a home for me either.

When I look at the photograph taken on my first university birthday, out of the 18 people that are in my group photo I now only see three or 4 of them regularly.

In some ways it makes me quite sad that I haven't held on to as many friendships. People drifted away from me, I never made the effort to speak to them or I never went out as much as them. I am still very content to amuse myself a lot of the time if I'm honest.

Each month I meet new people. Every time I visit London I meet new people, and yet there are so many I don't see any more. I often wonder this time next year how many friends from university I will still keep in touch with, and how many I will banish off my Facebook forever. I simply never saw the point in keeping everyone you ever knew on there for sentimental value even if you never talk to each other.

Maybe I should make more of an effort with people, but then I have never been one of those who texts people out of the blue to chat to them, or messages them on Facebook unless I need to. This has to change I think!

Everybody's wired up

Headphones are great, aren’t they? I can take my entire 78rpm collection out with me when I’m walking to university, when I’m on long train journeys or just to generally pass the time. I have no idea how I used to cope before I got my iPod, although I can distinctly remember trying to keep my portable CD player level so it didn’t skip and I could listen to tracks in their entirety. Those were the days.

In any case now, it’s increasingly common to see so many people wired up to their iPods, MP3 players or mobile phones. Fair enough, the sounds of the street can be pretty dull in comparison to what treasures of music you carry around in your pocket. But I believe the amount of people using headphones has changed the way we communicate to people, and it’s quite unfortunate. Below are some scenarios which I have observed or have happened to me, all because people were wearing headphones.

Situation A: Two people are walking down the street, both wearing headphones. When they pass by each other they will loudly shout “HELLO HOW ARE YOU” with the hope that neither side replies with anything longer than “IM GREAT THANKS”. Of course, anything longer than that would require both sides to remove their headphones and it would lead to an awkward conversation where both sides missed half of what each other said

Situation B: When passing people in the street you go to take your headphones out, or hover your hands near your ears in case you need to take them out. The other person doesn’t even see you. You look silly.

Situation C: People have to fumble in their pockets for their iPods to pause their music whilst they chat to someone.

Situation D: Someone says something to you, and you have to ask “WHAT” about 5 times.

Situation E: Someone shouts you and you can’t hear them. They feel stupid.

Note that all of the above seem to revolve around time when we pass people in the streets. What are we losing out on? Social interaction! That spontaneous moment when you see someone and strike up a great conversation with them. That time you sit next to someone on the bus and chat to the woman next to you because she has the same breed of dog as you.

We’re all so wired up that we are missing out on these wonderful parts of life. Sat with headphones in, tunnel vision on – it sends a pretty strong signal that you’re not to be approached, and it’s very sad. We’re all suffering and I dread to think about what it’s doing to the next generation and their social skills.

Now I don’t advocate a complete removal of them, far from it. But next time you’re out in the street, sat on a train or a bus then try turning the volume down and just speaking to people. It’s amazing what can come from it!

The future of our music

Erskine Tate's Vendome Orchestra

This has been a topic mulling in my mind ever since a discussion the other day with a friend of mine. What is going to happen to the great music of the 1920s and 30s?

Of course, the literal answer is quite obvious. It's not going to go anywhere. The records will continue to exist, and shows like Boardwalk Empire will continue to use them in their programming.

The question I really want to ask is "what will happen to the fans". It is no secret that classic jazz attracts an odd bunch to say the least. We're all passionate about it and will pay a lot to hear this music live, by travelling to various events - like the many people from overseas who came to Whitley Bay last year.

However what seems to be in common with a lot of classic jazz fans is their age. It saddens me when I go to jazz events and see mostly grey haired people, who stare at me thinking I'm a musician.

In this sense, our music is in a dire crisis. This generation isn't going to be around forever, however there just isn't enough takeup of classic jazz with young people like they had when they were young. It's forgotten, too old fashioned for so many. The friend I was talking to believed that the only way for jazz music to survive was to take it mainstream, and get it on national TV again - but then I worry that would lead to it being presented as a novelty act, without people realising the effort and many hours of practice that go in to making a successful jazz band.

And yet I have no idea what the answer to this problem is, short of trying to get as many people of my generation in to this wonderful music. There isn't enough exposure of this, as much as shows like Boardwalk Empire help - people still see it as consigned to the past and a part of history, without realising there are still bands playing this.

I worry about the future of our music, it's this which spurs me on to learn as much as I can and hear as much as I can. I do plan on sticking around for a bit longer than this generation, but when they do pass away it will certainly be a loss for the widespread appreciation of classic jazz

Feeling like a proper musician

On Saturday, I decided to head into university for some dissertation and trumpet practice. When I left the library I wandered out into the cold to look for rooms to practice in.

Annoyingly, all the seminar rooms in the Main Admin Building were locked, and so was the Media Building. In desperation I tried the architecture building, and once again - all the seminar rooms were locked. The last room I tried in desperation was one of the lecture theaters and it was open!

Picking my way down the shallow steps to the bottom, I set myself up at the front and looked at the empty chairs. When I started playing it was an amazing feeling. The high ceiling and acoustics in the room were amazing!

It was the first time when playing that I actually felt what I was playing. From just making single notes in November to playing three songs and starting to play fresh from sheet music - I can really see where my progress has been made and it's so enriching. Make no mistakes, I'm still a complete beginner but I hope my trumpet playing will be with me for a long time to come

The massive question mark in the immediate future

Looking at my calendar right now, there are a few certainties which will happen to me in the coming year.

I know that I'm going back to Whitley Bay Jazz Festival for more dancing, and general merriment. I also know that my dissertation is due to be handed in sometime around April, and that after that I will feel a sigh of relief. At some point I will also turn 21, and feel so old!

But beyond that, there is a big question mark. Methaphorically speaking of course, I'm not going to be physically confronted by this thing but it does start to loom now. For the first time in my life, I have had no direction, no idea what was coming next or where my life would go. For example, the following flow chart summarises my life to date:

School, I always knew I was going to go to 6th form >>>> 6th form, I always knew I was going on to university >>>> university, I always knew I was going to progress from each year with a bit of effort.

Now what? I have always been the person who plans ahead. For example, when I was in secondary school I knew that the bus to school would arrive at 08:01, and that our house was exactly three minutes walk from the bus stop - so I gave myself 5 minutes to be safe. I have many memories of shouting up the stairwell to Lucy to get ready because I always give myself so much time in the mornings...

But I digress. This small snippet illustrates my prediliction for planning ahead, and the prospect of leaving university into nothing does terrify me somewhat. My mum keeps telling me that I have to find a job, since it would be a strain to live with her again (and severely cramped) - so it does an an element of urgency to my search. With unemployment at record levels I do wonder whether I should wait out and spend my savings whilst looking for that perfect job, or take the first thing going in the hope it will give me cash until I find the right job.

I am planning to move to London. The capital seems to be calling me - for the music, the culture and all that's going on there. Now despite the seemingly negative tone so far, I do however have some confidence I will be able to land myself a good job. I can talk to anyone, and I'm sure I have a few unique aspects which would help me stand out at an interview. Failing that, I'll wear my black and white jazz shoes and hope they will be memorable enough.

If only it were that simple?

Discovering a letter from my 18 year old self, "to the future me".

While cleaning my room tonight I made quite an unusual discovery. When I put the folder back on the shelf in my cupboard, a small white envelope fell off the shelf. On the front: "To Jonathan Holmes. DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2012". I knew what this envelope was for, but had kept it sealed for the past three years.

Inside, was the emotional outpouring of a troubled 18 year old man - and reading it had all, the memories flooding back to me. I felt where the paper was rough after my tears had landed on it, and I remember sealing it all that time ago.

"I write this letter to you in the event that when you open this, you will realise how far things have hopefully come. I consider tonight to be a low point in our lives".

I saw myself sat at the desk behind my door, writing it that night, and I remember why. Re-reading this letter was remarkably poignant for me. Mum had just gone through a messy divorce and it was causing friction in the household, something my 18 year old self noticed

"I just feel like a silent casualty in all of this"

Looking back, it was a difficult time in my life. I have no idea how I got through it all to be honest. It's fascinating how you tend to forget about whole periods in your life when things weren't the best. I read to myself why I was writing this letter, and I just sat at the end of my bed thinking about it. Why did I do this? Casting a message into the future from one particular night in my life. Why wasn't it something more cheerful? I'm glad to say that is all behind me and I'm not firmly forward looking in life.

When I wrote this letter, the situation was bleak - yet I kept hope. The last paragraph read:

"I am very glad that I have Lucy and my friends there to support me. Alas, I have run out of emotional steam. I hope that the future you reads this and laughs at how bad it was - because the future turned out to be alright.

From a 18 year old teenager, to the future me,

All the best,

J. Holmes
06/09/09
22:48

I'm glad the future did turn out alright. I'm sure if the 18 year old me knew what would happen in the next three years he wouln't believe the change he went through.

I think he'd be happy his hopes came true.