"No, it was awful"
I had packed my large suitcase with so much anticipation - at the friends, dancing, and general fun that is the Whitley Bay Classic Jazz Party 2013. For non jazz fans, I must explain. It is like Glastonbury for me, a yearly highlight and pilgrimage to Newcastle to hear some of the best classic jazz played by some of the best people around.
It was also when I got to see my darling twin sister again. I forgot how much I missed her living down here, and so the day we spent together on Wednesday was time well spent.
There we are! Happy together, and like peas in a pod.
That night I went to stay with Patti, my dear friend from the Party. Oh it was like a school reunion! Sitting in on rehearsals on Thursday and seeing friend after friend walk through the door - I couldn't stop smiling. I just knew that so much happy music lay in store.
So when the call came in only a few hours into Friday's proceedings I was crushed. My granddad was lying critically ill in hospital with pneumonia and a kidney infection. I was so torn - here I was at the highlight of my year, and I had to leave to be with the family I care about so much.
I left the hotel in a flood of tears, after saying a quick goodbye to my musical friends - especially the wonderful Cecile Mclorin Salvant, who came to say goodbye to me in the hotel lobby. Oddly enough I had 5 days' clothes with me, it's almost like these things are planned.
Dashing down to North Yorkshire, I sat on my mum's sofa dejected at the music I was missing, and the situation in the hospital. The visit on Saturday was very distressing. My grandfather has effectively been the only father figure in my life, since my biological father left when I was very young. Seeing him lying there wth an oxygen mask on was too much to bear. One almost feels like a vulture in those situations, waiting for people to die.
Thankfully he has pulled through for the moment, and continues to slowly recover in hospital - but this has made me confront the reality that I will one day have to face. He is 86, and I realise how lucky I am to have had him in my life for this long. He has seen me grow up and mature, and he is so proud of my job at the BBC and what I do. In fact, last time I saw him at home he shook my hands and said "I'm so proud of what you've done". I still choke up now thinking about this.
So eventually that day will come. For now I plan to enjoy as much time with him as is possible given my current life here.
PS - A big thanks to all my friends who have helped me through this difficult patch. You know who you are x
